Cut The Crap

The Truth About You And I

2009-01-16T02:28:00.000-08:00

We have a complicated relationship. I’m allowed to sleep with girls – and I do. I am not allowed to sleep with guys – I still do. You’re allowed to do whatever you please – you don’t. I don’t think you would have ever gotten involved in all of this if it wasn’t for me. That’s the deal with me, you see, I appear to be all you want before you really know what you want.

You meet me, tall, beautiful, always smiling. The worst part is that once you start talking to me you realize how much we have in common and you actually start to "like" me. It’s a wonderful process, to watch it all from my perspective, I know exactly what will happen next. I know how to flirt, how to make you feel like I’m interested without really trying. I give the slight touches at the right times, I act interested in what you say but cool in my responses, but I still let you in on a “little secret” about me (which 90% of the times is absolute bullshit). You want to know why? Because this is what I do. This is what keeps me going, the beginning, the analyzing of your simple personality, the lying. We part but I know you think about me a few times before you decide to call me after a few days. I’m never doing anything and always available to hang out. It almost starts to feel like it’s easy.

It’s not a scheme, this that I do. I do not plan the whole thing out and I never expect the same results. I suppose I always feel like I will find someone different but never really do. But at the same time, having control over what you will do, knowing before hand how you will react, it gives me a sense of authority and power. I like that very much. Similar to the feeling I get when I dominate girls.

We go out on a couple of dates, maybe a few (depending on the sex… that I probably gave you on our second date!) and you start feeling like you "really like" me. We laugh, we have fun, we even check girls out together! You find out you are so comfortable talking to me, we have so much in common and you just found out the full length of my tongue. You suggest a relationship.

Doom.

Is there a better way to ruin what could have been a nice friendship with benefits than commitment and exclusivity? Yeah yeah, you sacrifice some in order to receive love and security and comfort. Suck my dick. Relationships are for people that conform to fucking the same person for a long period of time when they could be out there learning from life.

So I say I "wasn’t really looking for a relationship", but we’ve already fucked so it doesn’t make sense in your head. You have, figuratively, peed on me enough times to have marked your territory. "Yeah, that’s what chicks want, a relationship, that’s what goes next, I think I really like her. I think." Right? I suggest an open relationship. For starters, I am not going to stop fucking Steve. His cock makes me cum like a sprinkler in mid summer. And he has the best weed. And second of all, I am not going to stop fucking my subs. Of course, I don’t tell you all this. You probably don’t even know I’m a domme yet.

So I lay the rules down:
• You can do whatever you want with whoever you want.
• You can either tell me about it or not. I promise not to get jealous and I’ll most probably high five you.
• (kinda part of the 2nd rule) If you fuck someone more than twice, I’d like to know.
That’s it. Hard? Don’t think so.

And in your head it sounds too good to be true. This bitch is crazy. But you agree to it, hug me and KISS ME ON THE FOREHEAD.

Can I just pause for a second and ask, why the forehead? Why is it that a person that is starting to really care for another person always kisses on the forehead? It’s dreadful! That touch of your lips on my forehead have, at that very moment, doomed our (already started with a left foot) relationship!

From then on I start easing you into the real me. Good and bad.
1- I snore when I’m tired.
2- I will leave my clothes everywhere.
3- I always, no matter the occasion, smell good.
4- I am always excited about the small things in life.
5- I don’t care much about much. Including things that you might care about.
6- I like attention.
7- I never stop flirting and sometimes it’s not with you.
8- I fuck more girls than you ever did.
9- You’re getting more ass being with me than you did without me.
10- You find it so hard to love me. But you still do.

And you tell me. And my expression, for a slight second, tells it all. The magic is gone, something inside my soul breaks and my spirits fall. Then I smile and try to look into your eyes without showing my great disappointment. "I love you too". Because I can’t bear with your broken heart right now. I don’t want to see it, your weakness. And you still have to give me a ride home.

Because being able to fuck whoever you want while having a girlfriend is not what you really wanted. You wanted the fuzzy, warm feeling, the butterflies, the looking into each other’s eyes under the stars and wishing there was no one else in the world. Yes, admit it. That is EXACTLY what you want.

And sure! I wanted that too... before. And I found it, and I felt warm and fizzy and being in bed with him was a feeling of mutual dependency that was hiding behind infatuation but I felt complete. It was magnificent for a couple of months! But after a year and a half I got bored of it. Just like I got bored of every relationship I had before that one and just like I’ve gotten bored of every relationship I’ve had since. I felt tied and suffocated.

I cheat. Because I love cheating. If you’re not cheating on me, you bet your ass I’ll be cheating on you. This is what happens when you put a limitation on me, by saying I CAN’T fuck guys now I have a sudden urge to go cock-hopping. I like the thrill of sneaking out and hiding whenever you go to a party with me and I sneak out with someone. I like making out in the bathroom and I like giving blow jobs in the car. And I think about it before going to bed that night. The adrenaline and the desire. The good kind of mindfuck.

I never know how to break up with you. There’s never a good way to do it. It’s not like you don’t see it coming because I have been distant for about a month now. I don’t want to fuck you anymore (I’m getting enough elsewhere) and I rather not see you often. I’ve made excuses for you not to spend the night so that I could make a booty call.

When it comes down to the moment of truth I don’t have to say much. You ask questions that I don’t answer. What’s the use? I don’t love you, I never did. I have only loved once and I can’t believe I did. It’s not you but it’s not me either. I have spent enough time finding myself not to be content with the results. I mean, c’mon! You had got to have seen it coming since day one!

Then I say I am going to stay single for a couple of years.
Then I meet YOU.

Sex > Love

2008-07-01T15:24:00.000-07:00

Finding your true love nowadays, seems to be as hard as winning the lottery. You see it everywhere, TV shows, novels, blogs, everyone just wants to feel a little bit of good ol' warm love. I agree, of course it's human nature to seek companionship and to seek that nice fuzzy feeling of belonging, but love has been so talked about, pushed around and spat out, that I think has lost some of its original value. That's when sex comes in.
You see, I got tired of searching for love. It just wore me out! Every relationship I've had, I gave myself to the other person, in hopes of reciprocity, and got shit in return (I'm not bitching, I learn from my mistakes). And in the process, I forgot about myself and that wonderful feeling called "la petite mort". Since I'm done looking for love, now I can finally focus on what's really important: the art of the good fuck. No no, love making is old fashioned and, usually, boring missionary style. I'm talking about top notch fucking right here, the kind of lay you don't get from that drunk guy/chick from the bar at 2 am, or from your christian girlfriend. I mean the kind of fuck you get so much into, even your fingertips are having orgasms. The kind of fuck that leaves you unconscious for a few minutes (sometimes even hours) afterwards. Yeah, you probably don't know which one... but if you do, don't you wish more people practiced it?
Love makes things complicated. Love makes you question yourself the next morning with such trivialities as "What's next?" "Does he/she like me as much as I like them?" "Really? That was it??" and "What if...?" Uncertainty sucks, and the last thing I need in my life is more questions I don't have the answers for.
Love also often means playing games: playing hard to get, waiting games, yo-yoing. I've lost the energy and time to play games, I'm a busy woman with two jobs and an eventful social life. I don't wait, I make it happen.
Because I'm such a busy woman (and considering my medical condition), I've become quite exigent when it comes to sex. If I'm with someone and they turn out to be terrible, there's a pretty good chance I'm not seeing them again. If I have a good lay, however, I stick to it. It's not so easy to find someone so great at the art of fucking.
I learned to separate my feelings from the carnal act, which can be tricky, but completely achievable. You don't wanna keep it completely formal (get in and don't let the door hit you on the way out), a nice conversation between fucks is always encouraged. Maybe even a beer or a bowl, to ease the muscles. Chemistry is most definitely the key to good sex. Passion coming in a close second.
Love is too platonic. Love is something I one day dream to reach but hey, I'm not rushing.

Suicide Girls vs Lithium Picnic & Apnea

2008-06-16T04:08:00.001-07:00

Anyone involved in the alt scene has some sort of idea of what has been going on between this famous photographer and the "Big Bad" SG Corporation. We have been told, for over a year, by the photographer and his partner (ex-Suicide Girl Apnea) that Suicide Girls sued them for violating both their contracts, but most of all, for fear that LP and Apnea were involved in "stealing" SG's alternative trademark. This is ridiculous, since SG is most definitely not the only site that supports alternative lifestyle or even altporn (Blue Blood, for example).
Either way, the reasons for the law suit are unimportant. LP and Apnea have been asking for numerable donations and have been organizing charity events in order to cover their legal expenses. The amount of money they raised still remains a mystery to all of us, including the money from the t-shirts imprinted with "Viva Le Picnic" or whatever bullshit. They made us all hate Suicide Girls even more, for selling out and for destroying the scene with their business.
HOWEVER, I visited LP's deviantART journal today and I found myself a very interesting entry:

We have some news about our fight with SuicideGirls. We all sat down together and worked out an agreement that is really fair to everyone. We are especially relieved that we can now send people back to SuicideGirls.com to see all of our early work together without feeling dirty.

Send people back to Suicide Girls? Excuse me?

We want to make it clear that we 100% have no hostilities towards SuicideGirls in anyway anymore, we all came to a really fair agreement over this dispute, and there were no bad people here, just mistakes and misunderstandings. If you've boycotted SG on our behalf, you helped us come to this agreement, so thank you but the battle is over, and we're all friends again.

Did you discuss this over tea and cookies and chuckled about the whole "misunderstanding"? They're pretty much saying "Thanks for boycotting yesterday, but today you can all go back to them like nothing happened. They're back to being cool."

To help offset our legal expenses, when you sign up with SuicideGirls, please use this affiliate code so that we can use the money to pay off our lawyers and focus on Apnea's modeling and my photography!

Now, you gotta be fucking kidding me! After all the donations and charity AND a settlement from a large corporation such as SG, you STILL need help covering your legal expenses? And how? Sending all of the people that supported YOUR fight against them back to the site to sign up for a membership. Have you NO shame? No moral fiber?

Funny thing I found out is that Philip Warner (LP's real name) doesn't even make a living out of photography, he does real estate in Texas.

Awesome Lithium Picnic, Apnea, I hope you guys are enjoying your new summer home or whatever the fuck you bought with all the money your shenanigans stole from us.

Baby, I don't think you're cute I just can't remember your name

2008-06-11T02:42:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered why pet names exist? There are dozens of cheesy, tacky little names people call each other: Sweety, Honey, Sugarpie, Darling, Sweetheart, My Love, Pumpkin and the always original Baby, just to name a few. We all think that it's so cute to call the person we're dating one of those clever little nicknames but the truth behind them is not cute at all. It is quite practical, actually.
Many a times have a found myself in the situation where I wake up with a throbbing headache and a person lying beside me smiling and telling me how "last night was amazing". And I can't help but think: what the hell was his/her name? Aha! That is where the word "Baby" comes out to my rescue! I flee the scene with a glorious "I had an awesome time too, baby. I'll call you".
Aside from the occasional one night stand, the pet name has come to my aid in numerous sexual encounters. It never fails, I'm in the middle of a wonderful fuck, legs behind my head and all, and I'm talking dirty to culminate climax. Right when I'm in the middle of "Oh, that's the spot! Don't stop-", I stop. "Uh, what did you just call me?" It doesn't matter how long we'd been seeing each other, the names of ALL of my ex-lovers parade themselves inside my head and I can't seem to choose the right one! Was it...? No, it started with the same letter but it wasn't that. Was it...? No, not even close! So, I take the safe road with "That's it! Don't stop, babe!" It all turns out fantastic at the end, and I saved myself an awkward moment during sex.
Pet names may sound pretty and nice, but they serve a higher purpose. They save people like me all the uncomfortable moments when we don't remember a person's name. Thank you Baby, Honey and Sweety, for always being there for me.